Well, I don't have much time, so here is a quick update.
My weight is down to 149 lbs, mostly due to the appetite-suppressing effects of my Focalin.
I barely eat one meal a day, plus I swim an hour and a half daily. 2 and half on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
My swim times are horrible. I have gained 37 seconds for my 500 yard Freestyle, 11 seconds for my 200 yard Freestyle, and 1 second for my 100 yard Freestyle. I am right back at where I started last year, all because of my god-damn shoulders.
Another bad thing about swimming: I have scars running up my outer thighs. The first day of practice my coach asked about it, and I assured her they are old. The first week was horrible; no one would shut up about it. My makeup is fading them, but they are still there. At my meet last night, several times I saw girls on the other team glance at my legs and turn away to whisper to each other. I have been horrible paranoid since swimming started.
Luckily, my own team has accepted it. I think.
J dumped me about 2 weeks ago. Still not sure of the reason; he claims that he still cares about me and calls every night if we were texting earlier. Still wants to be friends, but he wants something more.
I met another guy, T, about five days ago. Instant connection; feels like love at first sight. We officially started dating yesterday. He makes me feel really good about myself and compliments me and accepts me. Apparently I stunned him when I first walked by.
Plus, he has magic hands.
I am developing feelings for him, but I still love J.
I feel like a slut. But I could really use some mindless sex right now; it has been over a month since my last time.
Antidepressents are still holding strong; I have a bad day every now and then, but mostly because of my stressful past few weeks. I didn't realize heart break would be so miserable and I am scared to trust T. He said that he will never leave me.
That's what they all say.
I am planning on going down to 140 lbs by the end of two weeks. I really want to post a picture on here, but I am scared to. What if someone recognizes me?
I also was made aware, by T, that I don't show a lot of emotion. Does anyone notice that in my posts? Am I sort of robotic or something?
Well, that sure wasn't short xD I miss all of you and can't wait to post again.
<3 Wren
This is such a weird picture. But I like it.
I know that not eating much affects your times as well. When I was in high school I played basketball and high jumped in track. I was always so upset because I just wanted to be good and I was working really hard. It turned out I just didn't have enough food to sustain any amount of exercise or growth in my sport. I was also injured and it never fully recovered correctly due to my ED. Just something to think about.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad things are going better with this guy. I don't think you're a slut but just be smart about the people you give your heart and body to.
<3