Binge. Purge. Binge. Purge. Repeat.

In the past 3 days, I have purged 11 times. I have binged 7 times. The old stomach pain I used to feel is back, and with a vengeance.

Last night, after I purged every milliliter of food from my stomach, I couldn't even stand straight. I curled up on my bed in a ball for about five minutes until the pain subsided.

Why can't I stop? I know how harmful this all is, but I just can't resist.

My depression is threatening to overwhelm me. At night, I am so paranoid that I can't turn off my biggest light without seeing demons and wraiths stalking me, looming over my head. 

I find myself staring at my ceiling most nights and whispering to myself

Let me die, let me die, let me die, let me die.

A week ago, I cut for the first time in months. I forgot how addicting it is.

Everything makes me angry. I have been throwing things lately, and shooting accusations in every direction.

Next week I have a shrink appointment. Maybe I can get something for my depression that won't have the same effect as the Prozac did. I hate that shit.

School starts next week. The only thing I am looking forward to with it is being busy all day, and how easy starving will be. I hope.

"I drag myself out of nightmares each morning and find there's no relief in waking." Mockingjay

<3 Wren

Listening to as I am writing this