Long time no write.
I've had no motivation lately, for anything. Well, actually, for the past week I've been very...... happy? No, not happy. Just... Easily excitable. Hyper. Alert. Or something like that. I've been feeling too busy to do anything, too busy thinking. I don't know. But yesterday a friend told me that she heard someone call me a slut. I would like to point out that I've never done anything sexual, that I've only even kissed two people.
My 'high', for lack of better word, came crashing down. All week I've been talkative and over-friendly, but for the rest of day at school I just drew into myself, and today I'm still feeling the effects. I'm back to a very low place in life.
I'm confused about my ED. All week I've felt a strong desire to actually recover, put this all behind me, but yesterday really brought me back. i don't know what I truly want.
I am so pathetic.
Well, I saw my therapist for the first time in over a year on Thursday. My rents actually dragged me along, because earlier last month they saw signs(see previous blog posts) and made an appointment, to just talk about parenting me or something. Now I'm back to visiting her every other week or so.
I feel bad about it, because I like her, but I lie to her. I give her a whole two steps forward, one step back story in an attempt to make it believable. I don't know if she believes me.
I hate how easy it is for me to lie. I lie at least twice as often as I tell the truth. I've even lied to all of ya'll before, about how much I ate. Nothing huge, but I don't really understand why I did. I don't know any of you outside of this world of blogging, so why lie?
Maybe I am a pathological liar or something. Sounds like me.
I am a liar.
Wonderful.
Well, hello to my new followers! :) I'll try to follow back.
<3 Wren
Well dear, people, especially high school aged people, find this need to bring others down. Try to ignore it because over defending gives them something to fuel the fire and saying nothing shows you don't have time for them. If asked say you aren't but you're glad they have nothing better to do than create stories and walk away. Indifference makes gossip die.
ReplyDeleteAs for your therapist, I'm sure they do. Express this concern you have. It can't hurt anything. You could maybe start being honest with us and work up to the people in your life. I wouldn't judge you if you said you had three meals and a big bowl of ice cream. If you are happy then I'm happy. I would rather see you healthy.
Big hug
People will make up rumors no matter who you are or what you've done or haven't done. Don't pay them any mind.
ReplyDeleteAs for the lying... I hate lying. I hate faking things or fooling people but I know when it comes to eating disorders... It comes as a packaged deal, especially if the people around you know about your ED.
Please take care <3
-Emma