Time for Plan B

Hello there, my little internet stalkers :)

Ok, that was weird, but I don't feel like thinking up something clever and I'm bored of the usual hi, so there. Deal with it.

So, my day. Ahem. I guess if I decide to not purge, it needs to be unconscious. 

I purged three times today. It's not like I binged, though. The meals I purged were normal sized, one much less than normal. I just couldn't help it. The food was rolling in my stomach like some sort of iron ball, making me feel so sick.

So, I got rid of it. 

I wish so much that I didn't have this love and obsession with food. It might be better when I live on my own, but for now it sucks. When I don't want to eat I am forced to, and when I want to eateateat, we have the perfect leftovers for the job.

After the purgefest, I had polo! We had spring break last week so it's great to start again! :) I burned any calories I kept down from before and had a ton of fun!

Right now, I am very happy. In that tired, proud of myself sort of way. My mother had a piece of cake for me when I got home from yesterday, and I beat it. I ate 2 bites mindlessly, then stopped as thinspo quotes and people popped into my head. After a big cup of water, I threw it away. not only did I control myself, but I also just avoided a fourth trip to the toilet :) Ignoring the bites I took, I feel so much more empty and powerful. I want to always feel like this.

I have a new favorite song. It's "Anorexic Beauty" by Pulp. It probably isn't supposed to be, but I think of it almost as thinspiration. It honestly confuses me on what it is supposed to be xD. Some parts sound pro, others con.

I feel so conceited, sitting here talking about myself all the time, so I'll stop now and go read your blogs ;)

<3 Wren